oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
