i jhust puked up my retainher.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
