i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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