i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
