Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
