Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
