love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
