my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
