i jhust puked up my retainher.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
