Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
