I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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