dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
