the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
