idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I would ride that face into the sunset
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
