the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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