why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You pole danced in your parka.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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