Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
