But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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