Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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