Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
