Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
