It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
