The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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