Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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