fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
