It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
