its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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