I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
