I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
