you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
