Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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