Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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