new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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