so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
