i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
