Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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