We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
