so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
