He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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