Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
