lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
