I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
