We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
