i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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