Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
