my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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