I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
