So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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