i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
