she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
